Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
