I want to stick my p in your. b.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
