who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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