The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
