In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
