Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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