Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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