SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
