Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
