thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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