i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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