There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
