You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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