Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
