how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I will pee on everything he values.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
