Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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