he told me I talked like a deaf person
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
