Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
