I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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