So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
