So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
