Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
