I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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