They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
