If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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