i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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