i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
