Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
