this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
