dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
