Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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