i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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