how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
