Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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