im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
