You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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