the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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