It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
