dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
