oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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