Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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