just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
