# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
