well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
