Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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