He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
