okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
