in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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