I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
