I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just had sex bonerless
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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