:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
