so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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