i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
