u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
